Everybody Smiling Ain’t Happy

     Everybody smiling ain’t happy and everybody joking ain’t really laughing. I think as a society we’ve forgotten how it feels too truly be happy. We spend majority of our time chasing what we see on our phones. We spend even more time trying to be the light for others as if we dont need that same light ourselves. Yet the whole time we’re drowning. For a long time now my definition of self-love was misconstrued. I thought that self-love meant spoiling yourself, taking yourself to dinner, and maybe a bath bomb and a candle every now and again. As I’ve gotten older, I realize now just how dangerous that definition can be. How when you don’t have a real definition of self love, you will give love in all forms and save nothing for yourself. With no definition of self love, you are vulnerable to every available energy vampire, toxic environment, and any example of being loyal to a fault. Having no real definition of self love will have you making everyone else in the room laugh before you return home to your loneliness. Don’t let that be you. Many times, we’ve been told we weren’t enough of something or that we were too much of something else. And a lot of us are still walking around with that chip on our shoulder trying to self sooth in a new environment. We don’t realize the tactics we’ve picked up along the way to try to make people love us and see our value. I SEE YOUR VALUE. Every day you got back up. Whether you left that bed or not, you were trying. I won’t glamorize this struggle and I won’t pretend that it’s not something I’m still struggling with. But at the end of the day there’s a lot of support in similar struggles. So, I present to you not only my new definition of self-love but OUR new definition of self-love. Working with The Self Love Series has given me the chance to tap back in with those parts of myself I had begun hiding. It also made me realize that I am not the only one….

     My new definition of Self Love defines it to be whatever form and exactly how much of it that YOU need. Whatever kind of balance, distance, or support you feel you should be taking that’s giving love to yourself. Self-Love is not only respecting our boundaries but enforcing them and being assertive about them as well. You can’t give back to anyone if you aren’t checking in on yourself first. Someone once told me “Don’t just save some of yourself, for yourself. Start with you first.” and I think that’s the ultimate reflection of Self Love. Doing what you know you do for others for yourself first. There’s no need to be burning out anymore love, cut the excess baggage. 

Xoxo, Your Favorite Hot Mess.